Helping Your Child Navigate Back-to-School Separation Anxiety: A Parent's Guide

Written by Jordan Fagan, M.A.

As a new school year begins, it's not uncommon for children to experience separation anxiety. The transition from the comfort of home to the unfamiliarity of a new school year can trigger complicated feelings of uncertainty, fear and apprehension. However, with guidance and support, your child can navigate this challenge and work on building their resilience. Below are some practical tips and strategies for parents and caregivers to assist their child in dealing with separation anxiety as they head back to school.

Validate Their Feelings

Start by having open and honest conversations with your child about their feelings and concerns regarding school. Let them know it's okay to feel nervous and that they will always be able to share their feelings with you and that you will always believe them. Encourage them to express their emotions and be a compassionate listener while they do. We can't make it easier, but we can provide support so they feel less alone. 

You can share a story about your first days of school ("Hey, you know, the first day of school felt tricky for me too. Have I told you about that before? We'll get through this.") or simply let them know that you're hearing the message under their words ("I'm listening to all of your reasons for missing the first day. What I'm hearing is that you don't want to go to school and feel nervous. I believe you. The first day of school is tricky! What I do know is that you'll be safe while you're there and I'll come back for you at the end of the day. We can get through this.")

Familiarize Them with the School

Visit the school with your child before the first day, if possible. Show them around, including classrooms, the cafeteria, and the playground. Familiarity can reduce anxiety by making the school environment seem less daunting. 

Establish a Consistent Morning Routine

Routines provide a sense of security and predictability for children. Create a morning routine that involves getting ready for school at the same time each day. Consistency helps children know what to expect, the first step on the road to self-regulation. Consider using a visual schedule or visual checklist of your morning routine.

Send in Comfort Objects

Give your child something comforting to take to school, like a small stuffed animal, a worry stone, or a family photo. Having a familiar object can provide comfort and reassurance during the school day. 

Rehearse Self-Regulation

Encourage your child to visualize what arriving for the day might look or feel like. Ask them to predict how it will feel in their body ("a tight chest" or "a nervous tummy" for example), and what strategies they can use to help them while they feel those sensations, such as deep breathing, mantras (such as "I am safe, and my parent will come back") or holding their worry stone. Practice those strategies together.

Stay Calm and Reassuring

Your child takes cues from your behavior. When children feel anxious, fearful, or otherwise dysregulated, it's the adult's job to bring calm to the chaos. If you remain calm and reassuring, it not only can help to reassure them, but also show them that you're a place of safety and security for them, and that their big anxious feelings and reactions aren't "too much" or "out of control." 

Involve Teachers

Communicate with your child's teacher about their anxiety. Teachers and school counselors are excellent sources of resources and support, and valuable members of your child's team. You can work together to make the transition back to school a successful one.

Celebrate Achievements

Praise and celebrate your child's achievement in making it through the doors, and to the end of the day. Acknowledge their bravery.  

Be Patient

Remember that overcoming separation anxiety can take time. Be patient and avoid pressuring your child. 

Anxiety is a common experience for children returning to school. By maintaining open communication, establishing routines, and providing comfort and reassurance, you can help your child adapt to and thrive in the school environment. Keep in mind that every child is unique, and it's important to tailor your approach to their individual needs. With your support, your child can transition smoothly into the new school year and develop the resilience to face future challenges with confidence.